3 good things

1. Biked Prospect with Pio

2. Got skrrt beanies and a hoodie embroidered

3. got thai food

Still kind of annoyed by Gemma. Guess it was being inside all day was the reason.

3 good things

1. Didn’t have to work out today. Always nice to just chill

2. Designed a little bit. Also got the new embroidery logo. The other guy wasn’t that good. The guy that I just got to do it, did a really good job with the file. Waiting for Pio to show me what the end result is

3. Programmed the camera so that the footage is good. Wednesday is the day that we’re shooting and filming. It’s all very exciting.

I feel like I’m going a little crazy. Gemma has been getting on my nerves since yesterday at the park. She just wouldn’t sit still and was in the dirt. As well, because it rained last night, I had to rush home instead of walk home on a nice stroll. I still can’t believe we’re in a pandemic. It’s wild to be honest.

I’m not sure if blogging is good for me every night anymore. I forget the reasons why I stop, but there are reasons why. I think a reason why I want to stop is because I’m starting to spiral thinking about the future in regards to kids, a relationship, a home, what do I want to do.

meh.

3 good things

1. Played Settlers of Catan. I like how when I play, I kind of just play to lose. I never really care of board games. I think I like to take myself out of the winning. I don’t like that kind of stress. Hmm, well, I was about to say, think about it right now, why do I take myself out of the winning. Why don’t I want to win. But that’s just over thinking. I’m learning that I don’t have to analyze everything. That I don’t have to understand everything. If I don’t want to be stressed, then that’s ok. I’m more of a physical exertion type person anyways.

2. I ollied the McCarren stairset today. I wasn’t going to but I did it twice. I fell on the last attempt because I just went for it with no set up, but it’s good because I’m trying to get better at just ollieing down stairs. I still have to ollie the large 8 at 60th. I got a little concerned because when I fell, my knee pad slid up, exposing my knee. Not a good thing. However, I don’t have to think about it tomorrow because it’s raining.

3. Talked to my friend from the Bx about why there is a lot of hate in skateboarding. He mentioned that an OG skater in nyc said that there is a lot of arrogance and ignorance. I think that plus the heightened nature of instagram and the instant access to the fame is there too. I have the complex as well where I’m like, dam, I want to be famous, but do I really want that? I think I just want recognition where it counts. Nah, I know I want recognition where it counts meaning where I feel the most connected to. It used to be running, it used to school, it used to be social justice, and now it’s just skateboarding. I don’t care about being the best designer in the world. I just want it in skateboarding.

My roommate asked me to kill a cockroach. I mentioned to her that there was cockroach spray under the sink. She just left me to do it. I’ve had to do a lot at this apartment. Clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, vacuum, but the nice thing is that she’s like never home and just keeps to herself. Better than my last roommate situation and the area is better. I’m hoping by the time Winter comes through or summer pulls up and my lease is up that my credit score is good enough to where I can get on the lease somewhere. My hope is that I can find another place here in Williamsburg so I can continue being close to a skatepark.

I’m wondering when covid will end. I’m not sure if it will ever go back to normal. I’m wondering if the woman I’ve been chatting with for almost 2 months now will ever come back to NYC. I should probably just move on again. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Part of me is ready for a relationship, but I’m honestly ok with being alone. I’ve been saying this for so long now. Am I just wanting sex again? Do I not crave emotional closeness? Overthinking again. Part of me doesn’t like blogging anymore haha.

3 good things

1. Did the rainbow rail at Cooper for the first time.

2. Bought beanies for the embroidery

3. Made the moodboard and storyboard

So the denim shop has given us full reign on art direction.

It’s hard because in my head I have to also give some creative control to the other filmer even though skrrt is my brand. I’m having issues with possession. I think it’s because I’ve worked really hard on it. Well if I’m going to be frank, I would stay up til 3am working on it to progress my design skills. And what did it do for me. It got me my job at Revlon. It got me to save 14k. It earned me 14k in stocks. Of course I’m going to be possessive over this shit. And I have to be.

We’re still in the early stages and I know it’s fine to experiment, but there’s been a lot of talk in my head and other people’s voices have been creeping in saying skrrt isn’t going to do well. I’ve done a good job of keeping negativity out of my life. I’m not sure why people are trying to fight. It just doesn’t feel right.

I think it’s because I’m starting to feel that people take advantage of me. I have to remember that this blog space is for me just to write how I’m feeling. I’m a bit confused and stressed, but it’s also because I’m overthinking. This is why I don’t like going to LES too much. My friends tell me all these things going on, but frankly, I just don’t want to hear it. I just want to focus on this.

Remember, your dream is to be an art director at Nike SB or Addias skateboarding one day. I’m slowly starting to get there. Remember, your dream is to be an art director at Nike Sb or Adidas skateboarding one day. It’s not to be a filmer even though you like doing it. Remember, that it doesn’t matter if skrrt does well or not. It’s going to get YOU somewhere. Remember, it is about YOU. Your first issue of skrrt was about you.

Why are you doing skrrt? You started it so that you could get better at design. YOU got better at design. YOU got a job. YOU’VE learned a lot at this job. YOU started wheatpasting again. YOU started spending your money on this. THIS IS YOU. SKRRT IS YOU.

Ok, now i’m just gassing myself up a bit. Feels good, but chill haha.

I think what I want now is just that spotlight for myself that the denim shop does. It’ll be nice to have that for me.