3 good things

1. Skated a little bit today. I finally bs 50-50 stalled on the quarterpipe at McCarren.

2. Didn’t workout besides skate today

3. Got the book, Pocket Full of Do. Kind of nice to read again. It’s digestable reading too which makes it a lot easier for me. I was thinking today while I was walking Gemma how I would spend countless hours working on essays to prove a three prong thesis. How in high school and elementary, I was horrible at english and still am horrible at grammar and diction. I remember how important I thought it was to have all that. Now, I just make pretty pictures all day.

While I like the one on the left because that’s usually what I do, my critique is that the middle part of it has to fight in regards to hierarchy. However, I like what I did when I combined the images at the top. Elijah Berle driving his car while in the window you can see him grinding a rail. Tomorrow, I’ll tweak it again.

I think I’m spent again.

But I need to do this so that I have a portfolio again.

Things I have in my portfolio that is new

I have a whole bunch of new skrrt.

I have blue in green x skrrt

I have revlon

Still have Puma

I have 2 Nike posters

I have a Huf piece

I have 3 Vans posters

I think rather than keep trying to go for something different, just keep focusing on skateboarding. Eventually, I’ll get the art director job or some thing.

3 good things

1. Bought groceries today

2. Listened a little bit to Chris Do today and Darren Hardy

3. Figured out that I could make movie posters of skate videos as design practice since they come out every week

It was weird. At Whole Foods today, I was going to the escalator to get to the line. There was a congregation of people gathered in the area trying to figure out how to form a line. I was more in the front. When I realized I wasn’t going to be able to get in line based on where I was in the front, I headed towards the back. I wasn’t sure where the back was, but at the same time, I saw many people just cutting/ going into the line. All of a sudden, I hear a “Yo, I’m in line.” I’m taken aback, I say sorry. See it’s a white woman, and say, Sorry, my bad sheesh. As if offended. Something about this encounter just rubbed me the wrong way. I think it was her tone of voice, but also because there were so many other people who cut in front. Why didn’t she yell at them? It’s wild how all the trajectories in my head go to racism, how white women are the biggest benefactors from affirmative action, how I could’ve said I have the time, how I almost wanted to get into a fight with her. Imagine getting in a fight at whole foods. Not my scene where white gentrifiers are. See dam, all my good come backs are whenever I’m at home. I wish I was a bit more snappy.

Anywho, I’m creating again. Even if it’s just one thing at a time.

3 good things

1. Cried during therapy

2. Finished a project assigned to me within 2 hours. Finalized in 30 minutes.

3. Ran 2 miles today

My biggest fears right now.

Dad saying that he will abandon me. But the source of that is the fear of losing him, the surviving parent.

I really wanted to go home this year. I broke down because I’m so tired of being in NYC.

I’m glad I have my therapist. I’ve broken down so many times this past year and I’m grateful for allowing myself to feel this.

I’m doing the hard work that needs to be done. Realizing that I’m a different man from my Dad. That I’m in adulthood and that I’m able to have these conversations of disagreement with my Dad because I can handle it as shown by surviving in a pandemic.

Tomorrow, I start my creative pursuits again.

3 good things

1. Pio came by to drop off the skrrt hoodies and offered to walk gemma

2. Bought a can of alcohol to drink

3. Gemma is stable

A lot going on. I’m glad that it’s going to stop raining for one day. However, as DST happens on Sunday, I know that this is going to be a long winter. I just need to be able to workout tomorrow a bunch. I think I’ll try and run 3 miles so 3 laps around the park.