So I woke up today and was very flustered.

I was flustered because of the sprained ankle. I wasn’t sure if I was going to work or not. I’m fortunate that I have a caring boss who allowed me to stay home today to rest. It’s difficult though because this week is our volunteer conference and I needed to finish a few things.

A lot of things are going on in my life right now. New potential opportunities and a love interest, plus all the other things that are normal such as skating and design, well it’s just design now.

I thought of this as the perfect opportunity to focus on my app. As you can see below, I’ve made some good progress. I only have 4 more sections to create and it’s mainly design which is good. Tomorrow I can get a very good start on that which is good.

It’s nice to have friends to talk to/ hangout with. Perspective is super important.

I think I wrote this yesterday, but I totally forgot. No one has all the answers, but they have perspective.

I talked to a friend who is about leave NYC this week. I explained to him how I felt like the ankle sprain was a sign from the universe saying that I’m not cutout for this life that is filled with excitement, skateboarding, design, and love. However, he approached it by saying, I don’t see it that way Bradley. You were just having fun and shit happens, especially when it comes to skateboarding.

He pointed out a very agnostic/atheist point of view. For me, I’m more agnostic/catholic since catholic is my upbringing. However, I tend to think that the divine has more control over my life. He explained to me after using our past relationship when we first lived together in berkeley how I had been working so hard to be a graphic designer which was 80% of my effort. 20% of success is also luck. I tend to look at the 20% and weigh it more than the 80% of effort that is all me. In short, my successes and my failures should be attributed to the 80% of effort that I have control over, not the 20% of luck or the divine. It’s a cool way of looking at things because it simplifies that I’m in control of my life despite there being external forces, I still have to make decisions.

I talked to one of my closest friends afterwards about drawing lines/ boundaries for a relationship. She explained that it’s based on priorities of family, work, then partner, but the overarching umbrella is her well being. Communication is so important in a relationship and just being able to tell someone straight up that they need time to do something.

Since I’m venturing in the world of love and relationships again, it’s a bit overwhelming. Individuality is something that is also important too. Don’t want to be the person who disappears after finding someone. As well, I asked her if everything that she needed to be successful in a relationship was already inside of her. This question was based on the Wizard of Oz with the characters who say they are missing key characteristics, but already have them, but just need physical representation.

She said yes and it was tough at first, but with anything, you’re well equipped and will figure out how to deal with the situation when it arises.

Also, hanging out with a friend who likes to just bike around and shoot photos is always fun. It’s fun to just get my mind off of things.

So my ankle. It’s better. I probably shouldn’t be on it, but I have no choice. I can only do so much since I gotta be everywhere I want to be in NYC. I’m glad that there are people in my life who care though. Even if it’s just hanging out, it’s appreciated.

3 good things

1. Hung out with my friend

2. Talked to my friends back in California/ here in NYC

3. Finished a roll of film

The proposal is starting to come together. I should have some type of first draft tomorrow hopefully. We’ll see because I also need to finish my film project.

Well.

I sprained my ankle skateboarding today.

3 good things

1. It’s not broken. I can walk on it kind of. It’s still bruised, but i can also bike

2. Got to shred. Landed an impossible on the A Frame at the park 5 times, landed the impossible up the small euro gap twice, did a heelflip up it twice, did a heelflip on the big euro in two tries. It was such a good session. Kickflipped the 3 stair in 2 tries. I was even trying half cab heel into the large bank. Idk why I thought it was a good idea. I kept sticking it and never in my head did I think I was going to sprain my ankle. It kind of goes with the whole, there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t do this trick, but the one reason, the land is the reason I should be doing it. It’s interesting because I’ve been thinking this way a lot lately when it comes to design and also when it comes to just going after things. It’s made me think about when I started this blog all over again. Main reasons was so that I could actually get a full time job so that this fear, the fear of not having health insurance, would never be a bother. But here I am. In New York City. Sprained ankle and I still need to work. It’s a bit sad and scary that this has happened. But this is also the first time that I get to approach a low/ injury with, what can I learn from this? Rather than saying, why me. I’m not sure what I can learn from this to be honest. There was nothing that I could do to prevent it besides not doing the trick. I wasn’t super excited like I was the last time I sprained my right ankle. I just hope that this goes away super quick.

3. I’m grateful to have friends out here. I’m grateful that I’m not alone here in NYC. That at least there are people here who do care a bit more than the average stranger.

So I was able to work a bit more on this application. Writing is the hard part. Designing this shouldn’t be too hard, but now I only have about a week to do it. Tomorrow I have to shoot photos that I hoped I was going to have done on Saturday. I was supposed to talk to two friends today, but once again, rescheduling keeps happening. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to waste my time waiting for people anymore either. But at the same time, what can I do.

So we’re here again.

I answered all the questions for this application I’m filling out. However, the issue is now making it into a really nice proposal. I’m getting a little overwhelmed, but I’m also thinking about how it’s the small things that will take me to the finish line right now. I sat down today, slept/napped/ just closed my eyes for about an hour and felt a bit more motivated again.

I think the reason why this is taking so long is because I have to write and I’m not really fond of writing that much anymore. It’s hard because this is the only way that my project will be shown/ displayed to anyone.

I’ve been a little out of focus as well. Romance or something is in the air and frankly, I’m in a kind of drunk state of mind. Can’t really focus on what I want to do and I don’t have anyone to blame but myself. It’s not even blame. It’s just, wow. I haven’t been in some type of relationship in so long. I like want a relationship, but the clear lines of what I want is so hard. I have a friend who is in a relationship that has clear boundaries and guidelines to describe it. I’ve been trying to talk to her about it since yesterday and unfortunately, I’m a little impatient about it. I know that no one has all the answers, but people have perspective.

hmm. is that a banger? No one has all the answers, but they have perspective?

I like that a lot.

Also, it’s interesting because I’m listening to this song right now.

The line says, you’re the positive motivating force that’s in my life.

It’s definitely a love song, but for the last 2 years I’ve just been thinking about how the positive motivating force in my life has to be myself. I have to believe in myself.

I have to love myself first before I can love anyone else and I think I do finally. I think I’m more relaxed with who I am as a person, but it’s hard when it comes to career/ social media and shit like that. I never wanted to be famous. Never really occurred to me. However, after moving to NYC, it’s something that I think about on the daily and it’s something that I need to reframe. I don’t want that. I want recognition, but never to the point where it’s like I can’t go outside and shop for myself. That’s debilitating.

It’s hard to want so many different things right now. Better job for finances, be better at skateboarding, a relationship. So many different things, but it’s about how to prioritize right now.

I’ve been focused on the job/ design thing for 2 months, but starting to get a little burnt out. I think it’s mainly because I have two major things I’m submitting for and hope something good happens. If nothing happens, then that’s okay. FAIL. First Attempt at Learning.

I think since it’s been awhile since I’ve written, it’s a good thing to have taken a break. I feel a bit better too because revisiting this blog and actually reading everything I wrote reminds me why I wanted to do any of this in the first place.

So now that I know that it takes about 2 months for me before I burnout. I think after every month I do this, I take a week off so that I don’t burnout too much.

I started this typography blog back on November 11th, 2018 in order to keep track of my progress learning typography and to hold myself accountable in creating something every single day. At first, I only wanted to do this for a month. When I made it to a month, I decided to keep going. Now I’ve made it to 2 months and 9 days. Originally, I was going to go all the way to January 31st which would be my half birthday at 24 1/2 and would also mark 80 days meaning 2 40 day design challenges.

I’ve realized a few things during this time

It takes about 2 months for me to get burnt out.

The amount of time it will take for me to recover? I’m not entirely sure.

There is a fine line between what is healthy in design and unhealthy which is when I start to burnout. During these 2 months, I tried to make sure that I took days to myself and just chilled. The last 2 days have kind of been that.

It’s only natural that I burnout kind of quick. It’s in my myers briggs thing haha.

So now that I know this, it’s been good research to figure out what I need to do to not burn out.

I’ve also recently learned that FAIL means First Attempt In Learning. Pretty good right?

I’m glad that I don’t have to make anything tomorrow, but I also feel like I’m still going to make something haha.

3 good things.

1. Didn’t have to run because it rained

2. Talked to my cousin in London about bleaching my hair in the summer

3. Relaxed

I’mma go cook some food. I also bought shoes today :D