Saturday
3 good things
skated a little bit. Boardslid pretty much the whole rail at mccarren finally. Progress has been made on that
Ate a lot of food today.
Took a nap today
I think because it’s fall, I’m starting to have my seasonal depression again. I should be taking my multivitamins to help cope with this, but seasonal depression feels like the blanket that I was swaddled in as a baby. It’s comforting. The saying goes that struggle can be more comforting than comfort.
I’m sitting here listening to Mac Miller’s posthumous album, circles. Whenever I get really sad, I start listening to Mac Miller. I started listening to him more after he passed away. His music and the tone of the songs just were more comforting.
I emailed my therapist to ask if I could move my therapy session up a week sooner. My mom’s birthday is coming up, but also my nephew’s birthday is coming up. They have the same birthday which means that my Mom’s birthday will never be forgotten. It’s bittersweet.
I’m midway wanting to cry as Mac Miller is playing. Only a few tears are in my eyes right now.
I’ve been very annoyed lately. I’ve been annoyed by my dog. I’ve been annoyed by having to constantly just take care of myself through the use of money. The most that I do to take care of myself is buy food. I’m stressed that I’m gaining weight even though I know I’m not. I’m stressed that I’m going to get cancer because I’ve smoked 3 CBD joints in the last 3 days. I know that I won’t, but I’m stressing so much.
I don’t know why I’m stressing so much on money again. Everything is secure. I don’t know why I want to buy so many things.
I’m sad that I’m just like everyone else in a 9-5.
Ok I checked and I’m still fine in regards to liquid checkings. I’m not sure why I’m freaking out so much right now.
Things I need to buy
metal bar for closet. Wooden one broken. $30
new bearings: 25
new wheels: $40
Things I want
New white vans to skate in $70
fisherman beanies for skrrt 3 = 35
I’m not sure what it is, but retail therapy or window shopping just makes me feel better. I think what might make me feel better is if I just skated and got better. Tomorrow, I’m just going to force myself to skate all from about 9am to 3pm. 2ish hours at blue and the go back to McCarren and skate there .