I’m really tired today. Didn’t really have that motivation to do much. I don’t know what it was. I felt like I was falling asleep at work. I’m starting to lose a bit of motivation. Not sure if I’m sleeping enough. I’m excited to get out of NYC for a little bit. Thursday i get to go to DC. It’s funny. I’m looking forward to it. I think it’s because I’m going to be around family for 2-3 days which will be nice. However, I’m stressed because I have so many things to do, but simultaneously I feel ok?

3 good things

1. didn’t die while riding my bike today

2. ate a bunch of food

3. got mostly everything done on my goals for today. Start work on creative residency, worked on skrrt issue 4, paid conedison, updated squarespace billing. Can’t wait to knock out and sleep for a bit. I don’t have work until 11am tomorrow.

So I got everything that I wanted to get done that I said yesterday. I’m still working on the Adobe Creative Residency application. I started which is better than not having started at all.

3 good things

1. I got to skateboard

2. I finished everything on my list and even sent some skate footage to a friend

3. I got to nap a little bit today

So today, I was supposed to meet with some other skaters to network a little bit through this app called Loke. In order to do so, I had to bike from BK to MHN and basically take the route that I would take going to work. However, when I got there, no one was there. It was a dub. I thought it would be okay for a little bit, but after 15 minutes, I knew no one was going to show up. I went to this meet up just so that I could meet the owner who is a designer and skateboarder. I ended up DM’ing him on Instagram to see if he would be open to meeting up. I ended up biking home and going to my local skatepark and skating for a little bit. I didn’t really land as many tricks and it wasn’t as enjoyable as it was the last few days of skating. One reason is because I like skating with people that I know. If I know some people at the park, it’s okay, but I need to skate with somebody that I know because good energy is important when it comes to a skateboard session.

I feel like I’ve been taking L’s this year already. However, I think these are perfect tests for me on how to react. My roommate accidentally dropped my coconut oil that I use as a moisturizer on the ground. Instead of getting mad and accepting his offer to buy me more coconut oil, I just emptied the glass of the coconut oil and put it in a plastic container.

I’m almost at 2 months of doing this typography/ create something every single day. I’m going to DC in a few days to go visit my Dad and all my aunts and cousins. At least I can say if anyone asks me if I’m dating that I’m going on dates with people/ talking with people. Not that this needs to be normalized or has to be the standard. It just feels nice to say, hey, I’m attractive to several people and have gone on dates with them if that makes any sense. I feel like I’m burning out again so I’m definitely looking forward to getting out of NYC for a little bit.

So today I went to my roommates birthday hangout at a place called the Brooklyn Strategist. Let’s just say it wasn’t the best experience. I ended up complaining about it on Yelp and getting a refund before I left.

3 things I’m grateful for

1. Didn’t run today

2. Didn’t have to clean the kitchen

3. Got to shower

3 good things after the incident at Brooklyn Strategist

1. I got groceries at Trader Joes

2. Started working on designs

3. Got to shoot my friend Raoul

Going back to the incident, it was weird because I knew I was being mistreated and yet I stood their in silence and let it happen. I let a white man be rude to me just because I didn’t understand how to play or how to pay at the store. Darren Hardy, one of my heroes/ mentors says, if someone treats him badly, he doesn’t let that slide. If someone treats him badly, he walks away. Instead of doing that, I just paid, but I ended up getting a refund. I ended up talking to the person at the front desk, not the main guy who was rude to me. He was being loud and explaining a game as if he knew everything.

However, I was able to sit there and recognize what I was feeling. It felt like I had just been yelled at by my dad. My arms were shaking. I just felt like nervous reck. My energy was very low. It’s not a good feeling to be in. I can’t believe I let someone take my time, attention, and energy away from me. That’s something that’s going to be hard to break. It almost like in Hunter x Hunter with the character Kilua. He wants to be able to stand up against his brother, but engrained in him is to always run away. My case is that I just want to be silent and passive. When I moved to NYC, I tried to never let anyone treat me unkindly. It worked for a little bit, but I’d always feel drained afterwards. I’m still drained when I’m silent.

Is it better to be drained after fighting back or drained after doing nothing at all. I would think the former rather than the latter. it’s going to take some time to unlearn. I’m not even sure where to start.

Anywho, a friend and I decided to work on some cover art using the Moire Effect. When you scroll, it moves. I practiced some other typography/ color theory assignment through Udacity. Still haven’t worked on the Adobe Creative Residency.

Tomorrow, my goals are to run, clean the kitchen, finish up a zine, go skate/network, start work on the creative residency.

So I went on a date again. I’m realizing that going on dates on Friday nights for coffee/ tea is not the best thing after doing it twice. In short, it was kind of weird because I pulled up at 7:50pm, waited in a book store, and then found that my date was waiting in the coffee shop but never hit me up even though I hit her up to tell her at 7:50pm where I was. When we met, she kind of looked at me funny and kind of like sternly. I said Hi and she said, is that all you say? And I wasn’t aware that she had been waiting in the coffee shop. Later we realized the mistake and misunderstanding, but jeez, I’m like mad now.

Anywho, 3 good things to keep my mind off of these things.

1. Helping my lil bro with college application process (long story short, I’m helping a friend go to college by helping him get connections to go to school for free)

2. Bought Lunch today

3. Been listening to Pourquoi Pas on repeat

Yeah, I think I’m never going on a coffee/ tea date on a Friday. It just feels weird so I think if I ever want to do that, I’m going to have to go to a bar or something. Cofee/ tea when it’s like afternoon is a bit different. That’s actually tomorrow I have a different date.

I feel like I’m getting out of touch with everything that I’ve been trying to do. Not entirely sure, but I’m trying to stay in my lane as much as I can, but we’ll see.

Tomorrow I need to run, possibly drop off my film, brunch/board games for a friend’s birthday, date, and then shoot photos. I also need to start working on my adobe creative residency app. Anywho, here are some designs that I threw together based on a website things.