As a society, we constantly look outwards for the answer.

In a word, recognition.

But Keir Mclaren says, you already have all the answers inside of you.

Instead of looking outwards, look inwards.

The real recognition that we all need is our own self recognition.

In a phrase, accepting yourself for all the flaws that you have.

However, use these flaws/mistakes as the best teacher you could ever have and be successful in whatever way that you define success.

If you’re tired of where you are in life and are unhappy, well, that’s your fault.

I know. Who am I to say to you who is reading this that it’s your fault that your life is that way.

But did anyone force you to do what you’re doing right now? Did anyone force you to read this article. Whether you like it or not, you made the choice to spend time in this article.

Excuses are shields. Now, I’m not saying that it isn’t alright to not show up to everything and always be present. It’s ok to take care of your needs first. However, there will be a time in your life where you have to show up, need to be present, do a little bit extra just so that you can get where you want to be.

The world is what you see. And the choices you make, create that vision of the world.

I look at my life. I have a part time job, I’m creating something every single day, I’m writing down my progress in design, I track how much food I’m eating, and I write 3 good things I’m thankful for in the morning and at night. It takes 3 weeks to make a habit and these past 3 weeks have been great in regards to career. To be honest, with respect to eating, I’m not doing the best. Sleep is also something I’m somewhat lacking right now. However, this is my last chance.

When I say my last chance, I mean by the fact that I’m 2 years away from 26 which means I need to get health insurance and a 401k soon. But in these 2 years, I need to chip away at my goal of being a graphic designer and being completely in the house (read industry) of skateboarding. If not, then I’ll be at an agency. There’s not much that I can do except to keep trying and stop making excuses.

It definitely feels like I’m headed towards burnout again after awhile, but I think I’ve gone through this enough times to know what I need to do. One thing for sure is to celebrate everyday in some way the accomplishment that I have done. In the past 24 days, I set out to create only 1 thing. Every single day, I’ve created more than 1 thing. That’s something to be very proud of. Keeping this up will be a bit difficult, but I think it’s necessary for whatever success I need. At the end of it, I hope to be more confident and have my own approval.

To rewrite my goals, I think it’s to watch one design video a day on typography. Make a poster or something of the sort using behance and my photos.

Below, I took my summary for the Harold Hunter Foundation piece of my portfolio and made it into a poster, trying my best to follow the grid format.

It’s easy to make excuses.

It’s easy to play the victim.

To believe that someone will whisk you away, make you famous, and never think about any problems ever again.

But to be frank, no one is going to do that.

This is something that I hate conceding to, but I have to if I want to take control of my life.

Yesterday, I was at a crux in my career again. In short, either continue this path on pursuing a full time job in the future or stay where I’m at, continue creating and practicing my skills, and possibly bank on getting a gig within the skateboard industry.

If you know me, I love skateboarding.

It was my first love. The first thing that I was hooked on and am still hooked on. As I was leaving work today, I was so happy that I was going to be skating tomorrow. However, the constraints of age, health care, and my desire to be self sufficient when my Dad is no longer on this earth are strong influencers to just getting a regular 9-5 job with a 401k and benefits.

Yesterday, I talked about Tyshawn Jones and how when he was younger, his resolve was to become a professional skateboarder. That dream came true and like I said yesterday, he was crowned Thrasher Magazine’s Skater of the Year. A prestigious award in skateboarding that basically says, you are the very best.

I bring this up one more time because as much as I want to just get a job at a design agency and get benefits and start saving up for retirement, the little skate rat kid inside of me is saying, this is your last chance. These 2 years are your last chance to pursue what you love.

My resolve is very weak. I know I can’t be a professional skateboarder, but I want to work in the industry because I know that I could make it as a graphic designer. I know for sure that my future as a graphic designer is in cement. But getting into the industry that I want is the question. Especially in an industry that doesn’t have that much money unless you’re a part of Street League, Nike, Adidas, New Balance, and a few other big companies. However, that’s my assumption. I could also just be freaking out because the map that I started making for myself last month has started to go off course.

I guess the most important thing I can do is keep going forward, but know that I can’t be waiting for someone to just give me what I want. I’m the only one who can give me what I want.

Below is a design that I made for a friend. I put a call out on Instagram to see if anyone would want me to make them a zine like post just because I wanted to practice my design. It’s a lot of full bleed images with some quotes from Frank Ocean.

I’m having a lot of fun making these, but the issue is that I’m not sure if I’m practicing design anymore. One thing that I know I need to do is watch more videos so that I can understand the theory behind everything.

To rewrite my goals, I think it’s to watch one design video a day on typography. Make a poster or something of the sort using behance and my photos.

Why be average?

Is it because it’s safe? I don’t think anyone really wants to be average. I think when we were all younger, we wanted to be the best. However, something along the way influences us to not give that much anymore.

I’m trying to figure out what that is for me.

Yesterday, Tyshawn Jones, 19, of the Bronx, NY was crowned Thrasher’s Skater of the Year 2018. The guy is only 19 and he’s accomplished a lot already. Now this isn’t a comparison when I say, I’ve achieved a lot such as graduate from the number 1 public institution with honors. Both hold significant merit. However, TJ knew what he wanted when he was younger and went for it. Me, I started skating when I was 12, but didn’t think a career in skateboarding would be feasible. I’m a child of immigrants. The weight of their dreams were on my shoulders so not graduating college was out of the question. But here I am. 24 years old. Not entirely sure if I just want to be a graphic designer at an agency. Or go into the skateboard industry and be a graphic designer there. Regardless, I’m going to be a graphic designer. I think what has been bothering me is getting a 401k and health benefits. I don’t want to be working for the rest of my life. At some point, i just want to do what I want to do. I kind of am already right now. It’s just that I have a lot of time, but not a lot of money. I do have a lot saved up though and I have my college fund that I never used thanks to financial aid. Every single year since graduation, I’ve gotten a bit more focused on what I want to do. I’m a little out of focus right now because I want to be a graphic designer, but I just don’t know what would be best for me. Keep myself inside the world of skateboarding or leave it as a hobby and go to an agency.

Decisions. Decisions.

Below, is a collage of 35mm photos. These are of the friends who kept me company during the cold winter nights in New York. This is probably my favorite thing to make right now. I can’t wait to shoot more things and make more collages like it.

I made a lot of things yesterday. I made like 3 layouts for Instagram/ Behance/ my portfolio when I finally decide to upload everything. I felt so productive yesterday. However, I ended up staying up until like 2am. I stopped working at 12am, but for some odd reason, I just couldn’t sleep. So much was going on. I made the layouts, I updated my portfolio, got a date, posted on instagram and it did pretty well. However, I’m suffering from some acid reflux right now. Maybe because I’m stressed? I’m not sure.

I think I finally know what I want to post. The thing though is that it has to be about me. That's something that James Victore talked about today while I was listening to his talks while in the shower. As long as your work reflects you, it will resonate with others. All my past work kind of had me in it because I shot the photo or made the design. But people don’t care about people that they don’t know. They care about you and why you care about that person or why you are posting it. You have to be in it.

For me as an introvert, it’s kind of a weird flex. But it’s not. It’s just posting about myself which is what facebook is and what all these social media platforms are about. However, whatever I post needs to be able to disrupt. It has to give value. As a designer, it’s about giving an experience to someone that they haven’t experienced before. Wow, I’m sound like a UX designer/ researcher. Looks like all those years of researching for sociology is paying off a bit. Huh, it’s funny that my degree is in sociology, but I’m a designer.

Below, I decided to copy/ take inspiration from several posts that I pinned from instagram and archived on pinterest. These are for a small digital zine that I’ll be posting online in a little bit after I have all three made and mocked up so that I can use it for a portfolio.

The concept behind it is, “what happens when you’re sober at a party and have a camera?” Or rather, “what happens when you just have a camera.” For the longest time I’ve believed that I needed to be a part of a collective to make one of these things. That I needed permission to make it. The permission that I have to make this is my own and also by the fact that I bought the Adobe Creative Suite/Cloud a long time ago and can make whatever I want. I don’t need permission. I don’t care if it’s bad or if it’s good. As long as I think it’s good and as long as I made something, then it’s a success. And with this theme of this blog, success is the compounding of small significant steps that lead up to a big thing - I just don’t know what that thing is.