my initials are BA. stands for badass

blog

Investing means giving up something now for something else or more of it in the future.

I really don’t like investing in myself for some odd reason. I think it comes from the my former need to want to appease everyone, appear helpful, and have people like me. In short, not wanting to have haters or be on anyone’s bad side. That’s another topic for another time. However, after being here in NYC for a year, I’ve decided to reduce the amount of hours at work so that I can learn about investing in stocks and focus on getting a formal framework in design. I’m enrolled in classes that I’m paying for and even though there are many accessible and free places that I can learn about stocks or design, I’ve decided to take in person classes. When I graduated, I took one class on Peer Mental Health and when I finished it, I didn’t want to go back to school ever again. I thought that I could learn everything on the job and while this is true, the basics/ having a live critique for design is something I lack and actually crave in order to get better in design.

It didn’t make sense to me until right now that even though I’ve decided to reduce my hours, take a pay increase, but not make the same amount if I kept my regular pay and hours that it’s actually fine because it is an investment. An investment in education and more importantly, an investment in myself. When it comes to investing in stocks, people are actually investing a lot of their time in the form of money in order to reap large rewards in the future. In the same way, taking time away from my job/ having a reduction in pay will pay off in the future because I’ll have the confidence to explain my process and maybe have a full time job.

*note, I chose to live part time for the last year because I wanted to enjoy my time in NYC. It’s like being a freshman in college. You go out. Stay up light. Mess up. But you figure things out. Now that I have a better sense of this place/ have a small network, I’m able to go forward to where I want to be which is a full time graphic designer with a large knowledge of stocks who skateboards on the side.

For these designs, the constraints were 1 weight size, but 2 pt sizes

 
 
 
If you don't want to start, just start small

I’ve been back in NYC for a week now and jeezus I’m already tired of being here. At work, I’ve been able to reduce my hours and increase my wage a little bit so that I can focus on getting a formal background in graphic design online/ in person and focus on learning how to use the stock market to my advantage. While I was really motivated when I started last week, I’m already feeling burnt out. I just don’t feel creative/ all my stuff doesn’t look how I want it to look/ I feel like I’m just stealing designs (which isn’t bad especially in the beginning because I’m still getting a sense of layout).

It just feels like since I’ve decided to learn how to do everything on my own, it just feels like I know there is this wealth of information out there that I’m way behind on or paying too much for. All of a sudden, I just feel like quitting because it’s too much. However, I really need to pat myself on the back because at least I’m starting. No matter how small it is, the results will be plenty. I think about when I used to do cross country and track and field. Every step, no matter how fast, would compound and result in a fast time on the course. It didn’t matter if I didn’t give it everything in training because no one sees that. What people see is the performance at the meet. I know based on my past experiences that things will be fine. I do just wish that I had some designer friends. One really is the loneliest number…even if you have a therapy dog :/

For these designs, the constraints were 1 weight size, but 2 pt sizes

 
 
 
The glorification of pushing 110 percent all the time is a concept that I’m familiar with, love, & hate.

A lot of times it pays off, but there are times when I need to molt off that busy lifestyle and just chill.

However, this has always been an issue. Someone out there is always working harder. It’s an irritating feeling because I know I’m a competitive person. But it’s also easy to say, fxk off and just go back to being lazy. At the end of the day though, if I don’t try, I just let myself down. This inspires me for a little bit to keep trying, but then I come back around to just wanting to say “fxk off.” It’s a Tale as old as time. 

The question now becomes what is my why power. My why power is to ensure that my dad doesn’t have to think he has to take care of me. I’ve taken care of myself for the past 2 years with no help from my dad. I know that I can definitely ask and I have been asking for help recently. It’s just that I hate asking. It’s frustrating because I know one day he won’t be here to help. But I guess it’s better to ask for help now before there is no one there willing. That’s the nice thing about some parents. I say some because not all are fortunate to have parents. I’m lucky to still have one alive.

For these designs, the constraints were 2 weight sizes, but 1
point size.

 
 
 
It takes 3 weeks to build a habit. It's only day 3 and I'm over it.

Day 3. Well technically 4 that I’ve been doing this. I design every day, but I started designing one day before I started posting. They say that it takes about 3 weeks to build a habit. It’s only day 3 and I’m kind of over this already.

On the side, I’m taking an investment class (Surprise Surprise, I’m still a student), but that’s because I want to learn to make my money work for me. Back in college, I thought money was the root of evil. However, I’m starting to think not having money is a root of evil. Remember that there are several roots to a tree, not just one.

Well any who, I’m back here again talking about design. I’m starting to see a bit of improvement/ my way of thinking has changed in the last few days. Low key, I don’t really want to write this, but I got to so that I can evaluate how I’m doing and compare results from start
to finish.

For these designs, the constraints were 2 weight sizes, but 1
point size.